Reality Rally

I am willing to tell my story and hopefully encourage others to be brave. I had cancer, it didn’t have me.

I never once asked “Why me”?  I saw no point in that question. so now read on.

2006, I felt a lump in my left breast. Did I do anything about it? Not immediately. I did see my GP, but then did nothing further. For months, (not recommended).
Not until the end of that year did I finally decide to go ahead with another mammogram and ultra sound which lead me to an appointment with my Surgeon.
At that point, the lump was all I thought about. I felt it there, like a walnut in my breast, intrusive and extremely uncomfortable.
I was 47 with two daughters, 15 and 20 years old. I had no family history of breast cancer, or any cancer. My daughters were my biggest concern, because now (they) have a close family history. Are they going to have to deal with this down the line? Will it be because of me? Just a bit of guilt there.

A needle aspiration was suggested and attempted. For whatever reason, the nurse appointed to do the procedure was unable to “find” the walnut size lump to complete the aspiration. Finally, after remaining still on that two foot wide bench for nearly two hours, with no place to rest my arms, it was decided that this procedure was not possible. Ya think?
Back to the Surgeon, he scheduled a lumpectomy and possible lymph removal depending on the findings during surgery. That was February 14, 2007; I was scheduled for a follow up visit on the 18th, but was called in two days earlier for the news. Stage 2 was my diagnosis, with my lymph nodes affected.
I was a bit numb, not sure what I was feeling, but wanted to just get on with it. “What’s the next move”?
A complete body bone scan was ordered to be sure the cancer had not spread to my bones.
I now know what I look like as a skeleton.

After the lumpectomy and lymph removal, I developed a severe infection (not uncommon with lymph removal) which involved another surgery and a hospital stay. I went home with packing in the incision, a pick line in my arm and IV drip antibiotics, which I self-administered. This went on for one month while home care Nurses came daily to remove the packing and insert new packing until I was healed from the inside out.
Then the allergic reaction to the tape covering my pick line, which nearly drove me crazy enough to want to pull that thing out myself. This skin reaction led to another surgery to implant a port to receive the chemo treatments that were waiting.

I will add, during this time, my Mom was going into surgery to have a reverse stoma procedure after a harrowing few months of wearing a stoma bag and dealing with all that it entailed. Mom recovered well from her procedure, Thank God. An emotional time to say the least.

Chemo. Scary. Unknown territory. I had great Chemo Nurses. Very understanding , patient and funny. A little levity was welcomed.
Some days, after treatment, I felt nothing. Others, I felt as though my feet couldn’t find the ground. Then there were the days that the Chemo would burn through my body like a million fire ants crawling on me. Only to get home and collapse for days, until the next wave hit just as I was beginning to feel
ok-ish.
Nausea. Immune Booster shots after each treatment.
The hair loss. I had cut my long hair into a bob, thinking that would help once it started falling out. Well, it just made the chunks that were coming out shorter. After a couple weeks of thinning hair, my scalp was so sore and the pain unbearable, I asked my 20 year old daughter to shave my head. Not sure who I was looking at in the mirror. Turned out I was now an obvious combination of my Dad (who was bald) and my amazing Mom. My new look was oddly very freeing, and no longer painful.
I became a wiz with the scarf wrap. Wigs were just too darned hot and unreal (for me).
Eyebrows, eyelashes, I had none.
Yes, my nail beds began to lift off my fingers. My eyes were constantly watering. I was fatigued.
Radiation. Seven and one half weeks. Two days per week. Not much to say about this treatment. It wasn’t horrible, wasn’t great, it was necessary.

All very weird.
I didn’t understand that the fatigue would last for many years. At the urging of a dear friend, I began to keep a journal. I had never kept a journal. However, I won’t be referring to it for all the emotional baggage that was unleashed into it. I’ll just say I began living a “new normal”.
This was a journey I was on alone. I know there were prayers and good wishes. But some journeys can only be traveled alone. This was my solo trip.

This year I celebrate 10 years cancer free! I met many women through this journey. I don’t remember ever crying, not until years later. I never once asked “Why me”? I saw no point in that question.
The fact was, it WAS me, so, I played the hand I was dealt. Through the Grace of God, I came out ahead.
Willing to tell my story and hopefully encourage others to be brave. I had cancer, it didn’t have me.

So many women. So many different stories. All are brave.

You can meet Leann at the hospitality desk in the Visit Temecula Valley office on Main Street temecula, part of the Temecula City hall. She can tell you all about her journey and also how to take an amazing journey all over Temecula.  

Leann and so many others are the reason we produce Reality Rally. To provide funds for Michelle's Place Breast Cancer Resource Center.

www.realityrally.com